Raging Man-Bitch

Admittedly, the title of this post has nothing to do with the post itself. A friend just told me the story of how his wife came up with 'raging man-bitch' and it tickled me.


At any rate, I promised some time ago to talk of my humorous escapades in WoW. I've already discussed them from my Pen-and-Paper (PnP) days, but now I'd like to recount more recent foul-ups.

The first thing that comes to mind is when my little group was still fresh in the game. We'd been playing a few weeks and had gotten our merry little band up to the 20's. I was a night elf druid, my wife played a night elf hunter, my brother-in-law a gnome mage, one friend played a human rogue, and the other played a night elf warrior. Boldly we adventured in Red Ridge, slaying and playing.

We took the quest to kill Tharil'zun and commenced the carnage. Hacking and slashing our way into him, we form up in the small area in front of him to formulate our plan. It's decided that our rogue will sneak in behind Tharil'zun's group and will sap him, once that occurs, our warrior will charge in and we'll burn down his helpers before he wakes. Sounds good on paper doesn't it?

Our sneaky rogue makes his way behind the group without any real issues, and just as he's about to sap the orc, he steps in a campfire located just behind him. In those days, whenever a mob saw a rogue in stealth, some exclamation point-like animation would appear over their heads. When our rogue stepped into the fire, every mob standing there got that animation, and they turned around and proceeded to pound the stuffing out of him. Our group was laughing so hard that none of us could move, much less rescue our rogue, who died a gruesome death. My friend that played the warrior still laughs whenever someone walks up to him and goes "poof!"

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Another time, with a pick-up group in Dead Mines, as we cleared the dungeon we hit a snag with a new mage. Standing atop the walkway leading down into the foundry area, a mage that was with us decided that the goblins at the bottom were within reach of his fireballs. Without consulting the group, he commenced lobbing fireballs. Our friend the warrior looked over at him and asked, "What do you think you're doing?" very calmly. The mage, unaware that he has just pulled the entire room says that he's just trying to kill a few before we have to go down there. The warrior just sits down and says that we no longer have to worry about going down there anymore, they'll be up here in a second. The wipe was short but painful.

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Recently, as we leveled up our new Horde characters on our new server, one of my friends was working on his Blood Elf Paladin. When he hit 60, he wanted to go get his charger. Now, I had never leveled a Horde paladin before, but I remembered what a bitch the quest was on the Alliance side. Not looking forward to this, I and a few other guildies broke into Stratholme to help complete his quest. Quickly we desecrated the little church. Once we completed that the following conversation took place:

Me: OK, what next?"
Paladin: Next?
Me: Yeah, where do we go next? Scholomance?
Paladin: Dude, what are you talking about? We're done.
Me: Bullsh*t. Go get the rest of the quest. There's got to be more.
Warrior: No, man, that's really it.
Warlock: No, dude, we're done.
Me: Are you sh*tting me? The Alliance version was a thousand times harder? That can't be all of the quest. Quit messing with me guys!
All: Seriously, that's it.

I didn't believe them for the rest of the day. I actually looked it up to verify what they were telling me. I still get a little pissed when I think of how easy that quest is compared to the Alliance version (even though I recently benefited myself from the ease of it).


Camp Taurajo, just a little south of Barrens chat

Pre-Wrath Blahs

OK, so you've got 5 level 70's with all the gear you want (right now), your raid group has basically quit raiding because lack of people on-line, you don't want to think about another alt, much less actually level one, and you're bored out of your skull while playing, yet you follow all the new Wrath of the Lich King info like a crack-head looking for a fix. Sounds like you've got the pre-Wrath Blahs to me.

What can one do to alleviate these symptoms? I have a few ideas....

1. Go to war with the Cenarian Expedition and use misdirection on some nubs in Orgrimmar (only works if you're a hunter).
2. Create an Alliance/Horde alt and spam their trade channel with "anal [whatever]" messages (admitedly this does get old quickly).
3. Roll a warrior and see how fast you can level while naked and barehanded.
4. Roll a new character on an RP server, join an emo guild, and whine about how bored you are.
5. Log onto the forums and find the oldest thread you can manage. Respond to it in a very serious manner, and watch as others respond before realizing how old the thread you resurrected is.
6. Take up a new instrument and serenade your guildmates over ventrilo with your amazing new hobby.

There are many ways to avoid boredom and I'd love to hear from others who have other creative methods.


Camp Taurajo, just a little south of Barrens chat

Top 10 WoW Jokes

10. A Tauren warrior, a Blood Elf priest and a Forsaken warlock are captured by the Alliance during a raid. All are sentenced to the “march of death.” They are taken to Tanaris, striped down to a lion cloth and told that they must make their way across the desert to Gadgetzan. If they die, so be it, if they lived, the ordeal of the trek would be their punishment. As a last request, each is given a choice of one food item to carry.
“I’ll take a watermelon” says the Tauren, “I can drink it’s juices and then eat it to sustain me through the journey.”
“I’ll take a coconut,” scoffs the Blood Elf, “It’s lighter than a watermelon and will sustain me just the same.”
The Forsaken looks for a moment at the other two and then turns to the guards and says: “Can I have just a fork?”

9. How do you make a dead gnome float? Take one dead gnome and two scoops of ice cream...

8. How many Gnomes does it take to paint your wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

7. An alliance army is marching across the barrens to raid Orgrimmar when a Shaman comes running up and makes a rude gesture at the General. The General points to two of his soldiers and orders them to kill the Shaman. The Shaman runs away round a mountain and the soldiers follow. After a few minutes the Shaman comes back with no sign of the Alliance soldiers. He insults the General who promptly sends ten officers to kill the Shaman. The Shaman runs round the hill and returns again. The General getting very annoyed orders forty men to kill the shaman. They all chase him round the hill and for ten minutes nothing happens. Then one badly wounded soldier comes back limping and says "Sir, it was a trap! There's two of them!"

6. What's the difference between a Gnome and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

5. An elf, human and dwarf walk into a bar, and all order a beer. Suddenly the elf sees there's a fly in his beer, so he pushes it away in disgust and leaves the bar. Then the human also notices a fly in his beer, so he picks it out and drinks the beer. Then the dwarf sees a fly in his beer. He picks it up, holds it over his glass and yells: 'Spit it all out, ya lil bastard!'

4. How many druids does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he has to wait 30 mins for the cooldown to end.

3. A father and his son from westfall are visiting Stormwind for their first time. They see the sights, and eventually stumble upon the Deeprun Tram. Puzzled by what this contraption is, they watch as a fat ugly old wench gets on the tram and sits down. The tram whisks her away off down the tunnel. The pair stand talking for a few minutes when the tram arrives back. A beautiful, semi clad Night Elf steps from the tram and walks off into Stormwind. The pair look at each other amazed, before the father says: "Son....fetch your mother!".

2. A dwarf goes into a bar in Stormwind and orders four beers. He starts drinking them, one sip each at a time, and after about a half hour he's finished all four, pays, and leaves.
The next day he returns, doing the same thing. The bartender looks at him funny, but pours the four drinks and serves them. He drinks them the same way, until he finishes all four, pays, and leaves again.
The third day, when the dwarf returns, the barkeep can't take it anymore. "If you drink the beers one at a time, they'll all be cold and won't get flat at the end. Why do you want all four at the same time?"
The dwarf explains: I have a brother in Ironforge, one in Booty Bay, and one who lives on Theramore Isle. We can't get together as much as we want, so at the same time each day we all go to a bar and order a round. We drink 'em all and pretend we're all at a bar together".
The barkeeper nods and serves four beers. Nobody else disturbs the dwarf while he finishes off the four beers.
The next day the dwarf comes into the bar, but only orders three beers. Silence falls. Nobody at the bar can look the poor dwarf in the eye. Finally, the barkeeper walks over to try to console him. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about it? tell us what happened to your fourth brother".
The dwarf looks confused for a moment, then bursts out laughing.
"It's not what you think!!! I just quit drinking today!"

1. A mighty Orc warrior walks into a tavern to order a drink, and he notices standing on the keys of a nearby piano was a Gnome. A very short Gnome, short for even for one of his kind. And immediately the Gnome starts running up and down the piano keys, dancing, cartwheeling and somersaulting, flawlessly landing on the correct keys time and time again. The music he produced was incredible. This little gnome was just brilliant!
So astonished, the orc walked up to the bartender and asked, "that little gnome is amazing, where did you get him?"
He looked at the Orc and smiled. "Oh I was given this fancy bottle as payment by one of my customers a while back. Upon polishing it, this genie popped out and offered me a single wish. I've had that little guy ever since. Makes me a fortune."
Very curious now the orc asked if he still has this magic bottle, and is excited when the bartender pulls it out from under the table and offers it to him. "Knock yourself out."
Eagerly he accepts the bottle and starts rubbing it, and just as the bartender had claimed, a genie popped out. The magical being stared at the orc and announced, "you have one wish! Make it now!"
Thinking for a few moments, he decided not to be too greedy and just ask for something he had needed for a while. "Okay, Genie. I wish for a nice new axe!"
"Granted!" he said, clapping his hands the vanishing in a puff of smoke. After the smoke cleared the orc found himself holding a nice new pair of slacks.
Angry now, he glared at the bartender. "What's going on?! I didn't ask for nice new slacks, I asked for a nice new axe!"
He smiled back before replying. "You think I asked for a ten inch pianist?"


Camp Taurajo, just a little south of Barrens chat

Trade the New Barrens?

Last night, I was standing in Orgrimmar dealing with some profession/leveling stuff, and someone started something in Trade chat that caught like wildfire. Now this may have happened before on other servers or the one I play on, but this was the first I had heard of it.

I'm not quite certain what to call it, per se, so let's just be descriptive, shall we?

"Anal" linking.

The person would first say "anal" in chat and then provide a link to either an item or ability.

Examples: anal [Fishing], anal [Prospecting], anal [Ring of Conquest], anal [Rod of Terror], ... You get the idea.

Most people found it amusing, so obviously it kept going. I didn't mind it myself and thought it pretty funny, if juvenile (it's OK to be juvenile sometimes, regardless of what people tell you). Some protested heavily. At any rate, I left Org to pursue the next level. An hour later, I come back and it's still going on.

I mean, it's not Chuck Norris, but still, things may be getting out of hand. Trade isn't used as much for trade as it is inane stuff and insulting each others mothers.

So I ask, is Trade the new Barrens chat?

A Little Gift from My Uncle

An old buddy of mine, SaysUncle, recently posted this to his blog.

It made me laugh.